While visiting my mom recently, I was searching through photo albums and came across this picture of myself. It was right before my dance school’s recital at Phoenix Symphony Hall. I was six years old. We performed a tap routine to “You’re a Grand Ole Flag”. Kristin Sloan had invited Winger readers to send in a piece about their first performance, which is what had prompted me to search through old photo albums. My mom even remembered part of my childhood tap and ballet performances being on home video. So we watched them. Unfortunately, I couldn’t write about this first experience because I have no actual recollection of it. But, interestingly, on the video I looked soooo much more at ease, so much happier, more confident, more like I was just having a load of fun bouncing around on that stage smiling widely. And, in this pic, I look so excited to go out there on stage in front hundreds, without a care in the world. Such an enormous difference from my experiences performing as an adult. I showed my mom a recent video of Pasha and me doing our rumba routine at the DTS showcase and I’m so appalled at how terrified and self-questioning I look. I think a good 90% of the problems I had with my rumba — bad lines, missed steps, near slips — were due to plain and simple nerves. What is it that you lose of yourself in adulthood — you’re so much more inhibited, so much more conscious, and afraid, of what others think of you. Not that questioning yourself is always bad — it can prevent you from making mistakes sometimes. But when it turns into self-doubt it can lead to a serious inability to act, and that’s a shame. Ugh. I want the little, confident me back!
Anyway, I ended up sending a piece on my first adult performance since I had no recollection of this one. I’m waiting to see what she does with them all before posting anything here (though it’s mostly things I’ve already blogged on previously). I definitely encourage all Winger readers to participate though — it’s fun!