Ugh, I’m such an idiot. When they said they were going to announce the new “Dancing With the Stars” cast on “Dance War” tonight, I thought they meant they were announcing the real stars! They only announced the celebrities! I’ve heard through the grapevine — from Sharon — that Louis Van Amstel is dancing again, which I’m thrilled about since I regard him as the greatest ballroom dancer in the world right now. I heard Julianne Hough is dancing again as well. And besides that don’t know… I guess the show regards them as less important than the contestants, sadly… I do love how the announcement was made though — LOVE that Dance Center / Sports Center comedy sketch thingy — Kenny Mayne’s sense of humor has stolen my heart… and he with Jerry Rice and Lisa Rinna were hilarious with their goofy back and forth jabs at each other.
So the celebrity contestants:
First announced is Marlee Matlin, the actress whom I loved in “Children of a Lesser God,” but haven’t seen her in much of what she’s been in lately — TV shows, right? Well, I’m excited about her. I guess she’ll kind of be the Heather Mills of this season if you want to see it that way. Not being able to hear the music will obviously be a handicap, but, equally obviously, she’s someone who doesn’t let her hearing hinder her.
Second woman is Priscilla Presley, actress probably best known as Elvis’s wife. At 62, she’ll perhaps be the “Jane Seymour” of this season.
Next is Shannon Elizabeth, an actress I’m not really familiar with but apparently was in “American Pie,” and “hot,” as Jerry continuously pronounced her.
Fourth is Monica Seles, the tennis player who always used to grunt loudly when swinging that racket. The three commentators had fun ribbing on what kinds of noises she might make and whether they’d sound better in Latin or Standard.
Fifth is Kristi Yamaguchi — yay!!! I loved watching her skate. I used to take figure skating lessons and she was my role model; I so wanted to be her. I can’t believe she’s 36! As a skater, obviously she’ll have a big advantage here, but you never know what that’s going to mean…
Final woman is Marissa Jaret Winokur, Broadway actress from “Hairspray,” which, embarrassingly, I never saw. Commentators had some fun joking that her hair might be a big problem, as she may trip over it or it may get all tangled up in her partner.
NFL player Jason Taylor of the Miami Dolphins. At first I couldn’t figure out what was up with that beefcake photo they put up of him, with Lisa’s pointing out the various “highlights” in his physique. Then I realized the other two commentators were NFL players so she was joking that he was by far the best looking footballer the show had ever had.
Second is Christian de la Fuente, good-looking Latin telenovella star, whom I’m not familiar with.
Then there’s Mario, the R&B singer and hip hop dancer, who will have the obvious dance-experience advantage.
Next is Steve Guttenberg — yay!!! I remember him from oooh so many movies, not the least of which, honestly, I’m so embarrassed to admit but the Village People movie. I honestly saw it when I was really really young and I fell head over heels in love with his cutely endearing dorkiness. Of course he’s best known for his role in “Three Men and a Baby,” which, yeah, he was good in that too He’s got a great personality and I know I’m gonna eat him right up!
Then there’s Penn Jillette, the magician with Penn and Taylor. The thing about this guy is that he’s enormous — he’s 6’6 tall and has a shoe size that’s off the charts. It’ll be interesting to see who he’s partnered with.
And last is Adam Carolla, a comedian whom I’ve never heard of with a syndicated radio show. Does anyone else know of him?
Hmmm. Overall I’m more excited about the women, since I’m familiar with many more of them. But I do so love Mr. Guttenberg…
Okay, it’s been a long day. (I actually just got home — it’s midnight — and sped through what I’d taped to see the DWTS announcement parts; I’ll have to watch the rest of the show tomorrow.) More later…