Downstairs at Cornelia Street Cafe

Cornelia Street Cafe readings

A writers’ organization I belong to, The Writers Room, hosts readings by its members on the downstairs stage in the Cornelia Street Cafe every third Tuesday each month. I’ve always been so scared to read my work, I guess just because I feel silly reading my own words aloud to an actual audience — I was even hesitant in class once, to the befuddlement of my teacher… But this year I decided just to bite the bullet, and signed up to read from my novel. My reading’s not until June — I scheduled myself that late partly because that month’s theme, “Our (Fore)fathers: (Dis)respecting,” is the closest fit with what my excerpt is about, and partly to give myself plenty of time to freak out! So, I figured I’d go every month until then to see what the atmosphere is like, how the readers actually read (of course I’ve gone to umpteenth readings before, but always got so absorbed in the content I never thought to watch closely how the writer actually went about giving an entertaining read), and to support my fellow writers so they will in turn support me 🙂 Tonight’s theme was on the holidays, and the readers were novelist Eric Zeisler, novelist and screenwriter David Evanier, and this very witty fun poet, Rachel Rawlings. The event was hosted by Stan Richardson, who is on the mike in the above pic. Of course each reader he introduced tonight had a list of writing accomplishments pages long — the first guy I think had won about five major awards and had attended several really prestigious writer programs and retreats, the second co-wrote a bunch of screenplays with super famous people and had about 10 books published … Oooh, what’s Stan gonna say for me??? “Ladies and gentlemen, Tonya Plank, a total wannabe with absolutely nothing published!” (I’ve been told law review articles don’t count in the publishing world). No, seriously, Stan was, fortunately, a very funny guy, who cracked a lot of jokes — after Eric read, interrupted several times by the heat cranking on, Stan proposed we give a round of applause to the plumbing system which was apparently needy for some recognition. I think (hope) he can lighten the situation, calm my nerves at least a bit, and hopefully come up with something goofy to say in my intro that will make people more sympathetic toward me than ridiculing, please please 🙂

I’ll definitely be posting hysterically about this more as the time approaches, but until then, WR readings are every third Tuesday of the month, and I have them all posted under My Upcoming Events, on the right-hand section of the blog!

Does God Want Us To Eat Fishsticks Tonight For Dinner?

Another fun, book-y meme I found from Konagod. I’m always for memes that promote books 🙂

Grab the book nearest to you, go to page 123, and read the fifth sentence.

“There are surely as many things that deserved to make it to market but were overlooked as there are things that made it to market and then flopped.”

From The Long Tail, by Chris Anderson. Great book, by the way, accessible to the average non-economics major and providing a lot of food for thought about, amongst other industries, publishing.

Above post title, by the way, is from a scene in Running With Scissors (both book and movie) in which the kooky members of the psychiatrist’s family make decisions based upon words they finger to in a randomly-opened book. This meme just kind of reminded me of it, in a goofy way.

Konagod also posted of all the “best” blogs (meaning the blog that garnered the most audience votes from each category, after being selected by judges as a finalist in that category) from the Weblog awards.

Life Imitating Art (Again): They're Either Gay or Fatally Flawed!! Blah!

blogger panel discussion notes

Last night, I attended Media Bistro‘s panel discussion entitled “From Blogger to Author” which was about, as the name implies, bloggers who ended up with some pretty cool book deals. It was quite informative. Michael Malice from Overheard in New York was there (and I caught him eyeing my Naughty Ms. Kitty writing journal, pictured above; he wanted one badly and was extremely jealous, I could tell!!), talking about graphic artist Harvey Pekar‘s biography of him; as well as interior designer Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan, of Apartment Therapy, who was wearing extremely cool multicolored-striped socks; Rachel Kramer-Bussell, who writes Lusty Lady; ICM’s Kate Lee, a.k.a. “literary agent of the blog superstars” who came across as a very intelligent, shrewd businesswoman for her young age; editor Laura Mazer of Seal Press; Julie Powell, author of Julie & Julia, a Bridget Jones-style diary of cooking all of Julia Child’s recipes in one year and supposedly the author of the most popular blog to date; and my personal favorite (in terms of his blog, which I discovered only after last night), Rob Rummel-Hudson, whose sweet My Beloved Monster and Me, is the basis for his memoir, to be published in 2008, Schuyler’s Monster, about his little girl and her rare neurological disorder. Learned lots of interesting tidbits about such things as blog ‘hits’ and page views versus publicity, the challenges of blogging versus book writing, how these awesome book deals came about, and witnessed a rather fun debate mainly between Lee and Mazer on whether literary agents are still necessary.

Anyway, I stupidly left my notes at work, so was searching the internet for info on the panelists, and, while looking for Julie Powell’s cooking-diary book, came across this fun little interview with her. I just love “who’s your favorite literary character”-style quizzes, and the first question here, which fictional character would you most want to date and why, completely stumped me. At first, I thought, oh that’s easy, I have lots of favorite male novelists. Then, I realized, ooh wait, that question was which of their CHARACTERS do I wanna date? Just because the character’s creator is desirable, doesn’t make him so… after all, the author must have an ironic detachment from his little creation to make him compelling.

Thinking of my favorite books: there’s Andrei Makine’s Franco Russian war child in Dreams of My Russian Summers, but that character had lovely little thoughts like, women should just die after sex when they’ve exhausted their usefulness. And, even if forgiven for those sentiments, is a man who doesn’t know whether he’s Russian or French, who’s so conflicted over his national identity, really a desirable partner? Ditto for Jeffrey Eugenides’s fascinating Cal in Middlesex regarding gender / sexuality identity. While I hugely appreciate Oscar Hijuelos for making me feel actual sympathy for the womanizing, sexist, even sometime rapist Cesar Castillo in Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love, he’s not exactly someone I want to spend time alone with. Dostoevsky’s Raskolnikov — now there’s marriage material! Hemingway’s characters are, well, Hemingway characters. Salinger’s characters are smart-assed shitheads with engaging voices who make great narrators, but to date?… Philip Roth characters … ugh. Martin Amis men … ugghh. Nick Hornby males … uuuuggghhh… Leaving, for me… Augusten Burroughs‘s heroic survivors of things like complete childhood insanity who are, of course, GAY. And E.M. Forster guys… hmmm… much better than the most of the aforementioned but, yes, same little problem as Burroughs…

I can honestly only think of Emma‘s Knightly as a desirable man, and he’s 2,000 years old, so is bound to be a bit old-fashioned… Powell at first answered the question saying, ooh I dunno, that’s a hard question for a straight woman … Couldn’t agree more, unfortunately. But, on the bright side, I guess I do find something about all of these great writer men to fall in love with. Ironic detachment; it’s a marvelous thing. If only every man could strive for it…

I Am A Dedicated Reader, Of Course Of Course:)

What Kind of Reader Are You?

Your Result: Dedicated Reader

You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.

Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Fad Reader
Non-Reader

Another quiz I found from Konagod. Fun for avid readers, and likely designed by one judging from some of the answer choices, which I could have come up with verbatim. You mean there are people who don’t have at least two books — one fiction, one non — on them at all times, who don’t carry at least three in their carry-on when traveling, whose apartment floor is not sagging from the weight of their three floor-to-ceiling bookcases?? Who are such people and what planet do they come from? Ha ha. Well, I’m a wanna be writer, so it makes sense that I’m a crazy, insanely obsessed reader — almost as much as I’m a crazy, insanely obsessed dance fan…

If you wanna, take the test here.

Thanks, New Yorker!

The Complete New Yorker

Just received this in the mail from The New Yorker Compass, for taking part in their online surveys! It’s a DVD of the complete New Yorker archives — pretty cool for a NYer fan, and not very inexpensive-looking. I never win anything! Have been reading William Styron’s “Darkness Visible,” a memoir about his depression, have been feeling a bit sad myself lately, and was beginning to wonder whether I had what he did (as I often do when reading about a sickness or disorder — guess it’s the hypochondriac in me!). But apparently, if my day was brightened by such a simple thing, I must not be too bad off 🙂

"God is the Man With the Greatest Sense of Humor in the Universe"

Took a break today from outlining my oral argument for court tomorrow to see the movie I think (I hope anyway) is going to take all the Oscars this year, “Running With Scissors.” It’s one of my favorite contemporary books and, as always, I was very dubious going into the theater. But, wow, did writer-director Ryan Murphy do justice to Burroughs’s book or what?! He did a bit of reworking so that the story would have more of an overall arc (and not so comprised of random bits of events), expounded on some characters and side-stories, and threw in some killer dialog, but overall it’s the same story as the book. And Augusten does a little cameo at the end during credits 🙂 The film also evinces (my favorite lawyer word 🙂 ) the power of amazing acting. Film ends up centering around the mother, played by Annette Bening, instead of main character Augusten, Jill Clayburgh creates much more depth, pathos and sympathy in a character in whom all that was lacking in the book, and, finally, OH MY GOD Joseph Fiennes completely blew me away with his portrayal of the schizophrenic statutory rapist who figures only in passing in the book. Took me practically the entire movie to figure out who it was behind that Village People-esque handlebar moustache, but once I remembered seeing his name in the write-up, I had to laugh to myself; I knew it took a powerhouse to create that kind of unforgettable character. He deserves every major award for that one. The one scene they left out that I wish they hadn’t was when teenage Augusten slips a paper bearing his phone number to the convenience store clerk only to turn around and see him laughing at it with two girls. You really felt sorry for him in the book when he was mocked for having unwittingly come on to a straight guy, and it imbued with a subtle poignancy Burroughs’s reflection that lacking a parent to instill in him a sense of reservation and teach him to think before acting had bitter consequences. The film totally Hollywoodized the sentiment by using it as a voice over during some of the more outrageous scenes.

I had a weirdly depressing weekend (feeling very anticlimactic now that my showcase is over, worried about being behind at work since I took off so much time to prepare for said showcase, sad that Luis will no longer be my teacher, and shell-shocked at learning from my high school reunion booklet that a classmate I’d known passed away sometime in the past ten years), and the movie had a similar effect on me as when I saw “Girl Interrupted.” It was the first time I’ve actually cried in the theater since I don’t know when, and when I got home, all I could do was sit in the dark with a glass of red wine and stare into space. It was comical, sadly pathetic, horrifying, deranged, and dramatically compelling all at the same time — like, in my opinion, all the best art is– and it just made me feel like I, like Deirdre Burroughs, like Susanna Kaysen, like Anne Sexton, like Sylvia Plath, am potentially so close to the edge. Like, it’s human to be so…and it’s only a matter of luck that prevents some from going over it.

In a not unsimilar vein, I’ve been to ABT three times in the past half week; here are two pics I took of David Hallberg at curtain call after his brilliant performance as Death in Kurt Jooss’s The Green Table.

Teabagging???

Luis said I was doing this to him. Actually, we were coached by school head, Tony Meredith, on Tuesday, for the showcase, and Luis asked him how he could stop this “teabagging” from happening after I smacked my head into his crotch for the umpteenth time doing our “snake” (I think I posted about this trick before, but if not, it’s where he dips me, then I slide backward between his legs and curl around him on the floor, he pivots around and picks me up. Originally, when I was practicing in my soft jazz shoes, everything was fine, but since I’ve begun wearing the Latin stilettos that I’m going to have to dance the showcase in, I’m a good two inches taller, and now I seem to keep whacking my big head into his crotch on my way through his legs). Anyway, I stupidly said, “what’s teabagging,” a little too loudly, causing a bit of a stir in the studio. Apparently it’s a gay thing (what isn’t with L?), and not a bad thing. Which is good because I really thought my hard head was hurting him! Anyway, apparently, according to the brilliant Mr. Meredith, I just need to watch for his crotch and duck! And, if I always look at him (or whomever my partner is), I will also avoid: whacking his right cheek with my left arm when we go into the “scorpion lift” (in which I reach over his body with my left arm, catch my left ankle over his head, then he picks me up and swings me around and around and around and around); kicking him in the back of the head with my left foot on that same lift; piercing all of his toes with my Latin stilettos on cuban rocks in shadow position (where guy is right behind girl, but a little to her side, so he looks like her shadow); bumping him in the crotch on my backward cha chas in same shadow position; and a whole host of other ‘beat-up-on-your-teacher’ probs that I have. And, amazingly, that nifty little bit of wisdom — LOOK at your partner and you will likely avoid hitting, kicking, and stepping on him — has been working … EXCEPT when we dance to the crazy fast, insanely fast music, and then I get so nervous and afraid I’m not going to keep up with Gloria (I know I’ve said this before, but will say again: Do NOT under any circumstances dance to a Gloria Estefan song if you are not a professional – her music is always way way WAY the hell faster than it sounds when you’re sitting on the couch listening!). Anyway, ugh, I am starting to really want this thing to be over with. Just a week and a half now… Here is a pic of my very sore, bruised and battered little knee, from our lovely little snake.

On Monday night, a student who works at Barneys arranged to have some of her makeup artists come to the studio and give us a little demonstration on how to do stage makeup. We learned how to do a Latin face, a Fantasy face, and a Classic Theater face. Here are a couple of pics. I don’t know that I will be able to emulate the Latin face the Bobby Brown guy gave our Latin model, but we did walk away with a handy little Barneys bag of goodies, which included fake eyelashes studded with rhinestones, blush, concealer, high performance cleansing solutions and moisturizer, eyelash adhesive, and an eyelash curler (dramatic lashes are apparently huge in ballroom!)

On Tuesday, after my coaching session with Tony, I met up with Alyssa and we trekked over to the East Village to see ABT dancer Matthew Murphy‘s Two Thirds Quartet, his choreographic debut at Dance Off, at PS 122. It was a lot of fun! Dance Off, which I’d never been to, is apparently an arena where emerging choreographers (mainly of modern dance) can show new work in a small, informal setting. Matt’s piece was the only ballet, and was, in mine and Alyssa’s opinions, leagues above the rest (though I’m a balletomane!), and was an intensely dramatic, rather beautiful duet for two men (one part danced by Matt). We met him afterward, and he’s a very sweet, personable guy who seemed genuinely thankful that we came 🙂 Most dancers I know seem this way — maybe because they’re separated from their families at dance boarding schools and make big career decisions at a young age, they mature quickly, develop good manners and social graces… who knows. Anyway, I thought it was a great accomplishment for someone so young (20), and I love being able to go to things like this here – one of the many things I so love about NYC! I stupidly didn’t think to take pics afterward, but here is a pic beforehand — I sat behind choreographer Elizabeth Streb (and am admittedly a complete goof for being excited about that…)

Finally, I am finally going to be reading from my novel, as part of the Writers’ Room reading series, at the Cornelia Street Cafe, in the Village, on June 21st. I know, this is obviously ridiculously advanced notice, but this is how it is in the lovely world of publishing — everything is so damn far in advance… It really amazes me anyone (a novelist anyway) is actually published before age 40 — they probably wrote the damn novel at 18 and it took all those years of: quering agents, having each one take six months to a year to get back to you, then asking for the first 50 pages of the manuscript, then taking another 6 months to read that, then asking for the whole manuscript, then taking a year to read that, then signing on with you, then having that agent suggest a bizillion rewrites, which you make and send back to her, which she takes a year to read over, only to suggest more, which you make and she takes another year to read, then she sends the manuscript out to editors, who all go through the same process all over again… How do people even get published in their lifetimes?… Ugh. The life of a writer, I’m slowly learning, is waiting, waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Which is why I think blogs are becoming so big … Imagine: writing you can actually have total control over, and can publish whenever you damn well want! What more could anyone want?????

Missing Kitty, More Books, Emerging Choreographers, and Compagnie Franck II Louise at Fall For Dance Festival

Strange weekend. Today marks the one year anniversary of my cat, Najma’s, death from congestive heart failure. I still miss her after all this time. I still miss the way she would, true to her Russian Blue Breed: open my bedroom and bathroom doors while I was sleeping or showering (Russian Blues don’t like to be left out of ANYTHING, so, seriously, they will stand on their hind legs, and twist the door knob with their paws while applying the proper amount of force to make the door open; only way to keep them out is to actually lock the door); “talk” (again, R.B.’s don’t like to be kept out of ANYTHING, so whenever I had a friend over, she’d inch her fuzzy little silvery gray body between us on the couch and, looking back and forth at whoever was talking, would grunt a little meow, and if you didn’t every once in a while acknowledge her with a “right,” or “oh,” or “uh-huh”, would start to paw at you or even bite! — I had friends who were more than a little creeped out by this behavior… I thought it adorable, of course!); and I miss the way she would sassily shake her little behind when she walked (one leg being shorter than the other). A lot of people don’t understand how hard it is to lose a pet; they figure a pet’s not a human so you should just get over it. But it’s really one of the hardest things in the world. Najma was the first pet I had as an adult, on my own, and she was my little roommate, always home, always there for me. And making the decision to put her to sleep, after both my vet and the emergency animal hospital doctor told me there was nothing more to do — she could be ‘saved’ again through emergency surgery and an oxygen cage but she was likely to go right back into congestive failure and suffocating on fluid in one’s lungs was a horrible way to die — was thus far the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life… Anyway, I really don’t want to re-live that day… Here are some pics of her that I hung on my magnetic door.

So, trying to escape my depression this weekend … after trekking out to Valentina’s again on Saturday for my initial costume fitting (she’s just cut the material, hasn’t sewn it up yet, so at this stage I can never tell how it’s going to look), I went to an open air book fair in front of the Housing Works Used Bookstore in SoHo. While in SoHo, I passed this interesting public art exhibit comprised of a mass of post-it notes that spelled out the words “To Do” and which allowed passersby to write on the exhibit their own ‘to do’ notes — some very funny entries! The book fair was okay, but they mostly just had used books by established authors. I bought a copy of Saul Bellow’s “Herzog,” Amy Bloom’s collection of short stories, “A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You,” and this novel I saw on Amazon and have wanted to read, “One Pill Makes You Smaller,” by Lisa Dierbeck. All of the books at the SoHo fair were only $1, but I still liked the Brooklyn Book Festival much better — even though the books were full price, or near full price, I got more exposure to new authors, and independent presses. There need to be more book festivals like the Brooklyn one — in general, there need to be more forums for new, emerging artists.

Speaking of which, Alyssa (wonderful friend who trekked out to Martha’s Vineyard with me to see Marcelo Gomes‘s choregraphic debut) and I are planning to go to the choreographic debut of another ABT dancer, Matthew Murphy, on Tuesday night, as part of Dance Off at P.S.122. He’s posted a bit about it on his blog. I just often find new artists a lot more interesting, a lot fresher, than established ones. Should be fun!

Today, I went to my second of two shows of the Fall For Dance Festival now underway at City Center. This is a great festival — each night five different dance companies perform an excerpt from one of their larger works, so the audience gets exposure to many different companies (most of them the smaller ones that don’t get a lot of publicity). On Friday night, highlights for me included the Dutch National Ballet (performing beautiful contemporary duet, “Before After”, depicting two lovers just before they break up), Pennsylvania Ballet (excerpts from a contemporary piece choreographed to Rufus Wainright music), and Bill. T. Jones dance company’s excerpts from his fascinating “Last Supper at Uncle Tom’s Cabin” (there was so much going on in that one — spoken words, famous text spoken backward — ie: ‘last at free, last at free’, a jazz band, singers, on top of the incredibly amazing dancers, and super fun choreography including crazy turns and jumps, pretend spanking, men lifting other men, etc. etc. etc. — I must definitely see that one again!). Highlight today, and, for me, probably of the entire festival, was Compagnie Franck II Louise, an all male French troupe whose dance style I’d call hip-hop combined with modern, or innovative hip-hop. Franck Louise (who is damn cute, I might add!) spoke before the show at a panel discussion about the uses of technology in choreography, and he said (in French, through an interpretor) that he is a dancer as well as a musician, and he uses this sound machine while choreographing, into which he kind of feeds music, and the machine tosses it around and mixes it up, then spits it back out, and the dancers move their bodies according to how they hear the music. I couldn’t completely understand how the technological device worked, but the dancing his company performed was some of the most innovative and awesome I’ve ever seen. This one guy expanded and contracted his diaphram to create a physical interpretation of the music in rather humorous ways, which I didn’t even know were possible (reminded me in a weird way of the Puppetry of the Penis show I’d seen — I mean, regarding use of the body to make different shapes), and another spun around and around on his head for what seemed to be minutes — I have absolutely no idea how he did that; I definitely would not have thought it impossible if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. I luckily had a seat right at the edge of the stage, but I don’t think it mattered where you sat: the audience was screaming, and they got a unanimous standing ovation, the first I’ve seen at this festival. This was their U.S. debut, but if the audience response here is any indication, I’m sure they’re going to be welcomed back at many more venues. They definitely ended my weekend well, getting me over my Najma depression. Go see them whenever you can!

Small Presses, Small Celebrities, and Smaller (But Prettier) Lifts

We changed my ending lift, we changed it, we changed it!!! So excited because Luis gave me a far easier, and I think actually prettier, lift to do at the end of our routine. When I say easier, I mean, HE does all the work 🙂 Now, instead of doing the crazy waltzy one with my butt sticking straight out over his head and at the audience (here’s a pic), he holds me up, my face to the ceiling instead of down at the floor, and I arch my back over him, balancing the small of my back on his shoulder. Then, if I can do it, I’ll flip my body over and end up in a bird position on his other shoulder (balancing on his shoulder now with my stomach, and arching my back and legs up behind me). We did the first part of it and I did fine; we didn’t try the second part yet, I just watched him illustrate with one of the many ballet dancers in my studio. It’s really pretty, and I hope I can do it. I so wish I had a lifetime of ballet.. But if I can’t, the first part even alone is much nicer than the other lift. So nervous though — less than a month now…

Anyway, I had a great, and busy, weekend. Friday night I saw Marcelo! on the subway 🙂 It’s funny because usually I’m not even looking up at people, because: 1) I’m shy; and 2) on the subway I’m usually hysterically reading a response brief, or some other such work I’m hopelessly behind on. But when he got on the 1 train, there was only one other person on the car with me, and I’m always a little nervous when I’m nearly alone and a man boards — well, maybe not always, but I’m working on this nasty rape case so maybe it’s a little worse now… (ha ha, as if HE, with his s.o. would ever, …. harumph, in my dreams… I know, horrible bad sentiment, SHAME…) Anyway, when he boarded, he got on at one end of the car and walked to my end, obviously so he could exit near the subway exit, but it was initially a little weird. And of course when I saw his face, I had to do a double, then triple take. It’s funny how you can’t see a person’s face unless you look into their eyes — the face is obviously much more than just eyes, but the eyes are the person… So, there I was sitting there staring, which he noticed (me being the only other person in the car), and yet did not seem frightened enough by the crazy girl to stop in his tracks and turn around and go back. So, he stood right in front of me, waiting impatiently for the train to stop so he could get out. Is he always so impatient, I wonder? Well, HE’S SO CUTE! And small!! — or at least smaller than he looks onstage… I had to remind myself he’s not basketball-player tall, just tall for a dancer — but still. And I remembered it was the same with Slavik in Florida. Him, I’ve only seen on the screen, and he’s always looked so tall and regal, either when dancing with Karina in the World Champions Show I have on tape, or in Shall We Dance, where he plays JLo’s knight in shining armor at the end sweeping her off to Blackpool where he will lead her to victory… In real life, he was a kid, not so tall and with imperfect skin and a tattoo. Weird. But so great to have seen two of my favorites — from the worlds of Ballet and Ballroom respectively — in person in just the last week 🙂

On Saturday, Kathy and I went to the Brooklyn Book Festival in Brooklyn Heights. They had several panels and readings, mostly by Brooklyn authors (of which there are many, probably more than in any other borough), but what I got the most from was walking around to the bizillions of tables of small presses who are publishing these great authors. I had no idea Tin House, the literary mag, now has a press and is publishing books! As is Open City. I bought a Tin House book by an author named Karen Lee Boren, which was recommended by a writer I like (and fellow Brown alum:)), Sam Lipsyte, and bought a couple of books at an indie Brooklyn bookstore with a booth, Book Court, one an AMAZING collection of short stories, The First Hurt, by Rachel Sherman (also recommended by Lipsyte) which I began reading yesterday and cannot put down, as well as Edmund White’s A Boy’s Own Story, which I have always wanted to read. Poets and Writers mag was giving out free copies of their latest issue, and I realized I’m a complete ass for not having subscribed to it before, it has so much valuable info. And, speaking of Marcelo!, I bought from this international press called Host Books a collection of three contemporary Brazilian plays that are written both in English and Portuguese. So, when I begin my Portuguese classes (in preparation for Brazil Carnival trip!) maybe it will come in handy…

Yesterday, I walked outside my apartment only to see a street fair (!), which of course I had to raid and spend way too much money at… And I finally got around to walking down to Lee’s Art Shop to get framed a print I bought in Martha’s Vineyard three weeks ago now. Why do frames always cost like four times the price of the artwork inside them???? Then, I spent many many hours doing a re-write of the beginning pages of my novel for a possible reading of it — had to whittle them down to their bare essentials to make them the right reading-length, and now I’m thinking they’re so much better. Sometimes I think you need to do that: wait a long time, like many months, before going back over what you have, when you have a clearer, fresher perspective on it.

And, I had to get up early today for an appointment with my orthopedist before work. This time, it’s the left knee. More meniscus problems. Ugh. Have to go for yet more physical therapy. Does it ever end???

Anyway, I’m tired…

No Sexist Medicine!!!

Ugh, well three strenuous dance lessons last week including trying hard hard hard to do my oh so highly prized fish with no hands turned out to be not so good. Got sick all over again. Just a bad sore throat and cold this time, no flu thankfully, and, as of yet, no horrendous headache, but the weak muscles and bones and congestion have meant I had to miss a couple more dance lessons. Which I’m really not liking right now because my showcase is coming up very soon. I guess I have to not worry. Worry creates stress and anxiety, which is part of what’s keeping me sick, I must repeat to myself. Ad nauseum. I decided not to perform in the studio’s group class, which is not Hustle I found out, but Shim Sham, a form of Swing that I’m not familiar with anyway. It would have been fun but I have enough on my plate with my crazy fast Salsa/Samba/Cha Cha routine with Luis and my slow arty lifty Rhumba with Pasha.

My regular internist is back from vacation, so I went to see her last week about the hideous headache episode (see last two posts). She said regardless of the sinus x-rays it still sounded more like sinus than migraine and x-rays aren’t very good at showing everything that’s going on anyway. Since my general neurologist is not helping much, she decided to send me to a headache specialist. I have an appointment with Columbia University’s headache center next Monday. It should be good. They’ve already directed me to download several forms requesting detailed info on the pain and gather all my sinus and brain MRIs I’ve had over the years. I’m also gonna print out my blog entries describing this last headache episode (at least one good thing a blog is for!) and type out my old headache diaries. And I’m gonna INSIST that they not take one look at me, see ‘female of childbearing age’ and label me a migraineur. It’s sexist, unfair, and downright potentially harmful to me. Sexism simply has no place in medicine. I want them to consider all of the possibilities, and only after they’ve considered everything, including the male-dominant cluster episodes, will I let them tell me they could be migraines and proceed with the typical migraine meds. I don’t want to take those damn meds (which, as I’ve described before, constrict blood vessels serving the brain thereby causing frightening lightheadedness / light-upper-bodiedness and stress me out over the possibility of, at best fainting at an inopportune time, at worst suffering a stroke or heart attack) unless I know for sure my headache is a migraine and they’ll actually work.

Anyway, my throat is still sore and I still have gallons of post-nasal drip but hopefully, hopefully, I am now on the road to recovery and can resume my dancing later this week. I bought some killer Country Life vitamins recommended by a friend who had gastric bypass and couldn’t eat for months, and finally meekly asked my landlord to repair my broken air conditioner (the wonderful man bought me a new one after determining the old was irrepairable!), in case my crazy illness was related to that nasty heat wave we had. And, though my past week was sadly devoid of dancing, I did catch up on some reading. I managed, without vomiting, to get myself as far as my nearest New York Public Library to return a ballet videotape (ABT‘s The Dream), and, while there, found a copy of Kaavya Viswanathan‘s young adult chick-lit novel “How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life,” which, thinking they were all pulled by the publisher after numerous allegations that either she or her editor plagiarized from several other YA writers, quickly snatched and read, out of sheer curiosity of course! And it actually was pretty good, I thought. It was a sweet, over-the-top comedy about an Indian girl whose parents push her so hard to get into Harvard that, in her quest to convince the dean she’s worthy of admission, she loses something of herself, which, through the course of the novel, she regains. Of course I don’t know how much content Viswanathan may have pilched from other writers since I don’t read contemporary YA (though ideas aren’t copywritable anyway), but something I know she couldn’t have “stolen” was the hyperbolic but truth-ringing parts about immigrant parents pushing their poor kids at all costs to realize their American dream. They were hilariously sad, and for capturing at least that, at such a young age (18), I think Viswanathan should be commended.

I also borrowed a copy of Colson Whitehead‘s new book Apex Hides the Hurt, which I think I was just too zoned out on meds to get, and Melissa Bank‘s The Wonder Spot, which I found surprisingly un-put-downable for being about rather mundane subject matter. It’s basically just about the life, from early puberty through adulthood, of this very ordinary woman who’s not particularly good at anything, struggles to find a suitable career, struggles to find a suitable man, struggles with losses of friendships and family members — it delineates a normal female life, basically. Yet it was a very interesting read for me. I find myself constantly struggling to be not normal, to be above average, to have everything — be a dancer with perfect technique and artistry, as close to professional as possible though I well know I started way the hell too late in life for that; I dream of someday winning a major literary award, but it’s incredibly difficult just to write the first draft of my novel with an intellectually- and emotionally-demanding 50-60-hour-a-week job as a lawyer; and I want to be this amazing lawyer who argues a groundbreaking case before the U.S. Supreme Court and writes formidable law books and articles, well respected as being at the top of my profession, but there’s no way I can even keep up with developments in criminal law outside of that required by my job with the writing and dancing. I guess Bank made me think, wow, some people, most people, almost all people in fact, just ARE, and that’s enough, that’s perfectly fine, that’s even interesting to read about. And Bank herself — I’ve often been so envious of her, as I’ve been of other writers who’ve had a bestseller or won a literary award or had their book made into a movie, but this is really only her second book and she’s not 15 years old. I mean, you can have some accomplishments, and still be ‘accomplished’ … as long as I have some things in life to be mildly proud of, I guess I’m okay; I don’t completely suck as a human being.

But then: across the street at my bookstore, I also picked up a copy of this month’s Pointe magazine, whose cover story features the illustrious David Hallberg, whom of course I’ve been gushing over for the past couple months since he just brilliantly danced his first season as an ABT principal (and has been writing smart little entries for The Winger blog). The mag contained mostly pretty pictures, and the story was way way too short for someone as sophisticated as he, but one thing he said at the end stood out. “Everyone blooms at a different time,” he said, and in the past three to four years he’s had to learn to calm down, have patience, stop “worrying about everything happening at once.” He’s 24 years old! So, at the ripe old age of 20 he had to force himself to stop obsessing over not yet being hailed as one of the world’s greatest dancers, which of course he now is; he’s definitely on his way anyway. So, hmmm, weighing Bank’s protagonist’s way against David’s — I choose David’s! Definitely. I guess even if it means HEEAADDAACCHE??…

Help — What Do Real Dancers Do???

I took the day off from work Tuesday and made my annual trek out to the Winter Garden restaurant on the Brooklyn boardwalk to enjoy my little golden pot of red caviar with mounds of buttered bread and Russian white wine whilst taking in the alimentary ocean air and lovely sights of the charmingly vast cross-section of humanity found on Brighton Beach / Coney Island 🙂 See photos beginning here. This has become an annual tradition of mine since reconnecting over the same “brunch” with a friend from college Russian classes a few years ago after recognizing each other at an alumni event in the city. Except now that she’s gone to Washington DC to do fancy State Department things, I just go out on my own now — kinda my little celebration of the beginning of the summer, which started way late for me this year since work was a total bitch all the way through mid July… Anyway, after my totally dehydrating meal of salt and alcohol, I decided to walk to the other end of the boardwalk and visit the Aquarium, so I could reconnect with my little friends — the happy smiling beluga whale, bashfully adorable sea horses, scary great whites, and my favorite, the leafy sea dragon — the most oddly beautiful little creature who looks like a cross between a fish, seahorse, and, as his name implies, leaf, which he maintains for camoflage. I’d forgotten that the beluga had passed away last year, they no longer had either the leafy or weedy sea dragons, and I missed the bloody shark feeding frenzy, but I did get to see the sea lion performance in the center tank, and plenty of cute wiskery otters and elephantine walruses seemingly trying to rub up against us humans via the glass of the underground tank separating us from them. And there were plenty of little seahorses, although it was really upsetting me that no one was obeying the PLETHORA of “please don’t take flash photos” signs. Sea horses in particular are very shy and easily frightened, poor things. Of course I don’t mind flashing away at a certain bravura ABT dancer doing a dangerous leap during curtain call, but no way will I harm a tiny defenseless fish!

Anyway, between dehydrating myself with food and wine, surrounding myself with sneezing coughing children, and getting caught in an actually quite chilly seabreeze, I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible sore throat. Ended up coming down with the second of the two bouts of flu I’ve had in only six months. My doctor had offered to send me to get a vaccine this year since there was no shortage, but I said no bother, didn’t get vaccine or illness last year, I’ll be fine. I’m never, ever not getting it again! I was out cold for two weeks in February, and have been sick for five days now. I finally felt it beginning to degenerate into a cold yesterday, but last flu that cold turned into a flaming burning searing sinus infection. And, a few hours ago, I noticed a scratching sensation in my left eye, followed by intermittent bluriness. I changed contact lenses, but after it continued to hurt, I looked in the mirror to see the eye was completely red, swollen, and draining some kind of clear but steady substance. Doctor mom says it’s an infection. I’m gonna call the real doctor tomorrow, but if it is, I’m scared she’s going to tell me I have to wear glasses for a while. I can’t wear them at all, especially in dance. Not only will they fly off during a lift — forget a lift — a simple spin even — but I have no depth perception since I never wear them since I have a weirdly shaped face, which no pair can fit correctly. I’ve been wearing them for three hours now and have stubbed both toes twice on various apartment furniture that appeared much farther away than they actually were, slammed my right shoulder into the wall rounding the kitchen corner, and almost missed a stair on the way out of my building to the corner bodega. But even if I was used to them, they’d never stay put during any low-level trick. What do real dancers do when these things happen? I mean, I’m trying to take good care of my knees and hips now, doing my strengthening exercises regularly and taking Advil and epsom salt baths at the first sign of inflammation, and I’m TRYING to eat well. But I never thought of a flu / cold turning into an eye infection requiring me to wear glasses as a potential problem. And, although my performance is still a couple of months away, now is the time I really have to start getting serious. Luis warned me last lesson now that we’re done choreographing he’s going to start being a total hardass on me. I assured him I was ready; now I might have to cancel my next lesson? The key obviously is to stay healthy in the first place, which, for some reason, the last couple years I have not been able to do. Anyone sneezes within a half mile of me and my throat is on fire next morning. Are there super-vitamins? I was taking Centrum, but that didn’t seem to be doing anything for me. Professional dancers never seem to get sick??? Oooh, hopefully the doctor will give me two days of amoxicillan and it’ll be all over. If I can even call her; my voice is starting to give into laringytis. Could I be more of a mess?

Anyway, before coming down with the full-fledged flu, I managed to see a couple performances by the San Francisco Ballet, which just finished a week-long run at Lincoln Center. Tuesday, their opening night, I spotted two “celebrities” — dance writer and former ABT soloist Joseph Carman, and with him William Cubberly, the publisher of the book they put together with photographer Roy Round, Round About the Ballet. I’d met Cubberly before, in Barnes and Noble, but when he asked me, camped out on the floor perusing the glossy photos, what I thought, frustrated from having just been hit on by a very annoying guy, I was kind of rude to him, without of course realizing he was just the author wanting to know what I thought of his book! Now I’m not even sure he’s straight, so I’m laughing even more at myself for having thought he was trying to pick me up 🙂 Anyway, they passed right by me, but I said nothing — I’m far too shy 🙁 Then, Thursday, I saw Mark Morris‘s Sylvia (okay, I was a bit run-down by then, but I swear, I didn’t breathe on a single soul!), which was okay and better than the Ashton the ABT does (though no one but NO ONE makes a better Aminta than the splendid David Hallberg!) but I was hoping for something a bit more iconoclastic from Morris, even though Playbill warned not to… Speaking of Mr. Tall and Beautiful (Hallberg, of course), I saw his radiant blonde head up in the Fourth Ring. Wasn’t sure at first whether it was him, because he said on The Winger he was going to Mexico for a break and I didn’t know whether he was back yet, but his friend and fellow ABT dancer Matthew Murphy posted on his blog that they saw the ballet that night, so I was right :):) He was just sauntering around, in jeans and a t-shirt, like a normal person, not the STAR he is :):)

Okay, time for more nighttime Robitussin. I just wanna be well, dammit! Two days ago, I told myself to be glad the Cadbury 5 I’d gained at Blackpool was now gone; now, I just wanna crave a cheeseburger and fries, would give anything to have my appetite back. Even if my eye thing is nothing serious, I’m not going to have the energy to dance…

"Come … and Do YOU!"

This is a partial quote on advice to freshman from a senior graduating from my alma mater, that I fell in love with while flipping through my latest alumni mag. The whole quote is:

“It’s easy to be pigeonholed, to fall into a role: the protester, the hipster, the low-level college bureaucrat, the rich New Yorker. Instead, come to Brown and do you.”

So very Brown! And, that’s kinda what I like about blogging. You can really be you — no editor or agent telling you some philosopher is too lofty to quote, metaphors you worked hard on are too long, an image is too disturbing and must be changed, a word a character habitually uses too esoteric, etc. — all of which may well be ‘correct’ by increasing the work’s sales potential, but nonetheless prevents you from having complete ownership of your writing voice and creative work product, you know? Here, you can create your own little space — theme, links, titles, categories — all in a way that suits you… So, there, blogging is very Brown 🙂

Anyway, back to the graduating senior: Mr. Elliott Walker Breece. He concentrated (the unique Brown word for “majoring”) in Modern Culture and Media (the unique Brown term for “semiotics“) — my favorite subject (wish sooo much would’ve studied it more…), and, among loads of other accomplishmens, served as editor-in-chief of a student newspaper, “African Sun,” and while in middle school (?!) founded a web development company. Now, he’s just launched a unique online music store called Amie Street. This store, which he describes as “iTunes meets American Idol meets eBay,” is geared toward selling the work of small, independent recording artists, who can download their songs and create their own profiles. Consumers can also create their own profiles in which they can make lists of their favorite music as well as recommendations of artists selling on the site. The price for each song starts out low and climbs with every new buy. Consumers who recommend songs that end up selling well actually get a percentage of the profits! What interests me so much about this is not only its novelty but that it so perfectly puts into praxis what Chris Anderson in his new book The Long Tail, which I blogged about in my last entry, says about the internet-led economy. Anderson writes that, in the “niche” (rather than “hit”)-centric internet economy, not only are artists themselves self-producing more, since the tools of production are now easily attainable, but consumers actually take a role in production as well, by spurring the sale of niche items through recommendation lists (like those on Amazon) and word-of-mouth — or, I guess, “word of blog” if you will. Breece has taken that idea to a new level by allowing consumers to reap a portion of the profits of these underground / “niche hits”. And, like Anderson’s blog-on-the-way-to-a-book, Amie Street has maintained its own blog on the way to a business. It’s very fun to find such connections! And makes me very proud to have gone to this fabulous school that produced someone with such a cool Brown way of thinking, and such a pioneer. Brown rocks!!!

On a weirder note, I don’t know what it is with me and book stores, but I honestly don’t know whether I unwittingly took part in some kind of social experiment this weekend or if this guy was actually hitting on me. Now that both ABT and NYCB are off season, I found myself planless on Saturday night, so, not wanting to sit home, decided to visit the book store. I find books can be great company. I was browsing the discounts, trying to decide whether $7.95 was too much to pay for a copy of Anais Nin‘s Delta of Venus, when suddenly this guy walked up.

“I want to compliment you on your color choice,” he said.

I looked up at him; he seemed totally serious. I looked down at my dress. I was wearing this very basic black rayon sundress — absolutely nothing special, no interesting accessories, nothing.

“Huh?” I said.

“I noticed you’re wearing all black,” he continued, “and black is a very good color for you, it suits you well, brings out your highlights.”

I have brown hair, with no highlights; I had no idea what he was talking about.

Then he laughed and said, “Obviously, I’m not really complimenting you on your wardrobe, I’m just using it as an excuse to meet you.” He extended his hand and said his name was Andrew. I wasn’t at all into him, but wanted to be polite so shook his hand, said my name, then quickly looked back down at my book.

“I often come here and get ideas of things I want to buy,” he said, “then go to the library and just check them out.” I kept my gaze on the book. “Do you do that?” he asked.

I harrumphed and looked up at him. “No, I just buy them,” I said curtly, returning to the book.

“Doesn’t that get expensive?” he said.

“I guess,” I said, shrugging, still looking down.

Then, he went into this huge story (I actually remember this conversation word for word because it was so odd): “Speaking of expensive, I went to the store today for some cargo pants. I tried on two pairs. One had a bunch of little pockets, all down the leg, like ten of them, or maybe eight, on each leg. And they were cool. But I didn’t really like them. Too much noise. This other pair was plain but made of really really cool material. I don’t know what type of material it was, but it was cool. I really liked them. Then I saw the price tag. $160. I mean, would you pay that for a pair of cargo pants?”

I must have had a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face because a guy passing behind him just then did a double-take at me. “Would you pay that? Don’t you think that’s expensive?” Andrew repeated.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, looking back to Nin. How obvious could I be?

Then, he actually bent over, peered around the book cover and said rather loudly, “What did you do today?”

Knowing I wasn’t going to get rid of him, I said I had to go and put Delta back on the shelf.

“Oh, are you trying to keep it light?” he asked, reaching out and actually touching my sleeve. I didn’t even know what he meant. I just said goodbye and started walking away. He walked behind me asking again if I was “trying to keep it light?”

All the way home, I kept looking behind me to make sure he wasn’t following me, and I even walked into a deli to ‘wait it out’ for a while. I looked in my bag worried he may have had a buddy trying to scrounge around for my wallet behind me while he distracted me, then realized that was completely paranoid since we were in a bookstore, not at some crowded tourist attraction. When I thought it over later at home, I felt badly for not being more receptive to meeting someone, but I guess when I’m in a bookstore, I’m really in my own world, or rather the world of the author whose book I’m contemplating, that some guy trying to get to know me is a real annoyance. If bookstores are the new pick-up joints, maybe that’s safer than a bar, but I don’t know if it works for me…