Feeling Better Now…

After hearing from very sweet Kristin Sloan and some others, and having the day to think stuff over, I feel much better about things regarding my last post. Still dismayed that it happened (and it definitely was not in any way, shape or form Kristin’s fault!!), but I guess the lesson I’ve learned is that you have to not let people instigate crap and get a rise out of you, both in blogs and in life. So, I’m over it!

Anyway, it was an okay day… but would’ve been better if the weather forecaster was more correct about the weather! It was definitely nowhere near the upper 50s / low 60s, but I went to the park anyway:

Both pics are of Strawberry Fields — -people hot-blooded enough to hang out on the benches, and in some cases, sing and play guitar to each other!

Still too chilly for me to hang out outside for more than about 45 minutes, so came home and immersed myself in brain candy 🙂 Slightly embarrassed to admit I’m reading this, but what better way to try to get over being bummed, right! I bought this book for $1 at my local library’s sale — can’t get a better price on such candy 🙂

And then got the mail and was delighted to see an offer from Theater Development Fund of discount tickets to see the Eifman Ballet at City Center in April! Very excited — I’d wanted to see them, and, with all the money I spend on ballroom leaving me little for any outside leisure spending money, I’m always thrilled about getting a deal 🙂 Thanks TDF!!

Anyway, my friend from the studio, Elaine, and I are planning to go out to costume-maker Valentina’s shop next weekend, so I have to figure out what kind of costume I want for the showcase. Jacob had suggested something strapless and backless (how’s it gonna stay on???) with long gloves. Sounds beautiful but he also said it wouldn’t look completely right without being covered with rhinestones, which I don’t know if I can afford this time around. Ballroom’s getting REALLY expensive — just spent nearly $1000 for 10 lessons!! He said I could always buy them and put them on myself which would be considerably cheaper, but I don’t know if I trust myself to do a good job with such a thing! Anyway, thinking about Rita Hayworth as my role-model, since it’s foxtrot and all, I came up with some ideas:

If there’s mesh covering at the top, it’d stay on… Or:

This kind of top is pretty… As is this:

How cute is she!! I so wanna be her!!

Hmmmm.

Aww….!

Another possibility, although that one may be too expensive. Longer = more money…especially if rhinestones are involved…

Oh, but aren’t they cute!

Something like this is what I really really love — the flowing, layered chiffon skirt, part of which can be gathered and held up with the hand at certain points. Which is really similar to the basic black that Elaine Kudo wore in the original Sinatra Suites:

Dunno if you can really see it, but it’s a basic black leotard with a black chiffon skirt, about knee length, and only a few rhinestones right on the top on the bust. May be perfect for my routine, and perfectly affordable 🙂

By the way, all of the above pictures of Rita Hayworth are taken from this website.

Katusha Demidova = Rita Hayworth!

So, Jonathan Wilkins and Katusha Demidova are the America’s Ballroom Challenge Champions!! The top photo, by the way, is copyright of Jeffrey Dunn for WGBH, from the America’s Ballroom Challenge website. I couldn’t be happier for them. For the first time, I absolutely fell in love with their dancing, while watching them during this competition. I have always championed the couple I call the underdogs of Standard, Victor Fung and Anna Mikhed, but here I really saw why Jonathan and Katusha are the reigning U.S. Standard champions and third overall in the world. Though I haven’t studied much Standard and don’t know much about technique in that dance style, I could tell what a perfect connection they had, like they were just made to dance with each other. And they exhibited such class and charm. The way Katusha wore her hair, with her curls bouncing around behind her, particularly during their short number — their swift-footed, gleeful, sweetly flirty Quickstep danced to “It’s Too Darn Hot,” she reminded me so much of Rita Hayworth dancing with Fred Astaire. What sophisticated beauty and grace and elegance. It made me wish the Standard competitors wore their hair down all the time, instead of up in the oftentimes rather severe buns.

Though I’ve liked Latin, watching these two made me feel like Astaire and Hayworth, like class itself, had been brought back into American Dance. I wish Standard was more popular here.

Of course I love Latin. I love Latin primarily because I love learning about the cultures from which the different dance styles originate. I love being exposed to, and learning to ‘feel’ different kinds of music, with the beautiful sounds made by foreign instruments, the mellifluous foreign languages… But too often, I feel that people sexualize Latin dance, and it makes me uncomfortable. Latin dancing is really not about sex. One of my friends from my old studio, Juana, once told me that Rhumba, for example, grew out of slave culture. The Rhumba basic — a step, followed by downward motion of the back shoulder muscle toward the hip, followed by the settling of the body weight into that hip, mirrored the way the slave women who had to carry heavy loads on their shoulders would walk. I love that she taught that to me. It made the Cuban motion so fundamental to Rhumba all the more clear to me. And, I felt like I was having a mini history lesson. Funny thing, Juana wasn’t even a dance instructor, just a very knowledgeable and historically-aware fellow student. In any event, this basic movement is not sexual. Latin dancers in part wear “skimpy” costumes because this isolation of movement of a single part of the body is important to the dance, so the judges must see their backs, hips and rib cages in order to determine whether they are exhibiting proper technique. Not that the costumes can’t ever be called “sexy,” but I feel that sometimes people go too far, and reduce Latin dance to that, and thus reduce Latin dancers to sexualized objects. Sometimes other kinds of dancers can be reduced to sexualized objects as well, and I find this very disturbing. I have a lot more to say about dancers and bodies, but will save that for later. For now, I just want to say congratulations to Jonathan and Katusha for some very beautiful, very inspiring dancing 🙂

Hooray for Mika!!

Mika and Plamen

Oh my gosh, I’ve been so busy trying to get a brief out, uploading photos to my photo page from this past weekend, and having my dance lessons, I haven’t had time yet to blog about my insane, raucous, dance-filled weekend, which I spent literally running back and forth like a crazed nutter between the Roseland Ballroom in midtown, where a small ballroom competition known as the New York Dance Festival was taking place, and Lincoln Center, where the New York City Ballet was having its final performances of the winter season! So, sorry for being so late in getting my pictures of the festival up, but here they are, finally.

I’m very excited because my friend, Mika, won the overall pro/am Latin championships!!! Yay, Mika!

Her teacher is the amazing Plamen Danailov, who, with his pro partner, won first place in the pro Latin division! Half Japanese, half Austrian, and raised in Vienna, where ballroom dancing skills are acquired from a very young age, Mika has been dancing ballroom since she was very small, and it really shows. She is such a beautiful dancer, makes long graceful lines, exhibits such elegance in her demeanor and with her costumes, and has a very strong connection with her partner. Watching her really makes me wish dancing was taken more seriously here in the U.S., so that I would have learned from a young age as well.

Placing second in the pro/am Latin was Tessa, with her teacher, Jacob Jason, below. Tessa has only been dancing ballroom for about two years, but she has a ballet background, and in fact was formerly a dancer with the Joffrey Ballet!

Tessa and Jacob

Watching Tessa was a real treat too. Oh how I wish I would have taken more ballet as a child…

Elaine

Elaine!!! Here is one of my friends from my studio, the lovely and talented, Elaine, dancing with her teacher, Jacob, same as Tessa’s. Jacob had about fifty students dancing, I swear! Above she is doing her fun, ‘foxy foxtrot’ showcase, and below, a charming Waltz routine.

Elaine II

Students can compete either in the general group dances, or perform a solo showcase with their teacher. Elaine opted for the showcase, Mika for the general, and Tessa for both. I think if you do the general group dances, you get more time to dance on the floor, especially if you advance to semi-finals and then finals. With a showcase, you’re only on for about two minutes, but you get the whole floor to yourself, and you get to choose your music, and can do more theatrical things, like lifts. In the general group comp, one foot must always be touching the floor, and you share the ballroom with everyone else in your division.

I took several pictures, so you can click here if you want to look at the whole album. Here are some more of my highlights from Sunday though:

Darina and Bill

Above is another of my friends, Bob, competing in the pro/am with his teacher, Darina, who was wearing just about the sexiest, slinkiest, most gorgeous dress I have ever seen!

darina and bill

Another shot of that dress. And Darina is so beautiful, she can pull it off like no one’s business!

joaquin cortes guy Above is this teacher, whose name I don’t know, but he was very good. He really impressed me, and his student was quite good as well. He reminded me of a young Joaquin Cortes, the famed flamenco dancer.

latin youth Some very cute kids competing in the Latin youth.

Nikolai Ahh! My new Latin crush-object, Nikolai Shpakov! He looked amazing, danced so well and wicked fast with his new partner, who was just lovely. And look at those hot pink shimmies — I so want that costume!!!

Another of Nikolai and THE DRESS!

A competitor in the pro American Smooth Division. Love that arch!

JT

This one’s rather blurry, but it’s the very sweet, always lovely to watch, J.T. Damalas and Tomas Melnicki, who won first place in the pro American Smooth division.

Finally, this pro Latin couple was a lot of fun. I’m not sure who they are, but I think I heard in the introductions that they are from New Jersey. They really knew how to play to a crowd!

So, that was my Sunday. I spent practically all day Saturday with Philip, at the New York City Ballet, watching, amongst other things, Miranda Weese’s last performance with the company before she heads off to Seattle to guest perform with the Pacific Northwest Ballet. Here is an (illegal!) picture I caught of her:

Weese takes a bow

It was so fun, again, to hang out with Philip. He invited me out to dinner with his partner, Wei, and his friend from high school, Deborah. Very nice!

Finally, tonight is the last round of the America’s Ballroom Challenge competition. Since this is not a “real” competition, but is made for TV, I have no idea what to expect. It seems a bit unfair to compare dancers in four completely different dance styles (that’s: American Rhythm, American Smooth, International Latin, and International Standard) with each other, but this show is really promoting ballroom to a larger TV audience, so I am not criticizing one bit! I just don’t know who to predict will win. My favorites are Andrei Gavriline and Elena Kruychkova (last year’s champs), but of course they are my faves since I am a Latin girl! Jonathan Wilkins and Katusha Demidova (Standard) are the highest-ranked couple in the world of all of the U.S. couples, so they may win. But then Latin seems to be more popular in the U.S., so maybe the Latin couple will win again. Or maybe it’ll be Tony Dovolani and Elena Grinenko, who’ve won audiences over as pro dancers on Dancing With the Stars. Or, maybe it’ll be the underdogs, Ben and Shaleen Ermis in American Smooth. Who knows. We’ll just have to tune in and find out! Check here for local listings, and enjoy!!

Can You Say, Evil Latin Stilettos!!

latin shoes

One of the hardest things for me about Latin ballroom dance is honestly the shoes. Above is my shoe collection — priced at well over $1,000. And I don’t keep buying more because I have some kind of stiletto fetish, believe me. I just absolutely cannot, no matter how hard I try, find a pair of high-heeled open toed sandals that I can dance in. My problem is that I have extremely small ankles, but the width at the ball of my foot is normal. So narrow shoes pinch very badly at the toe and start to give me bunions if I wear them too often, but regular-sized shoes are way too large at the heel and don’t keep my heel secure, so that at times, my foot has almost lifted completely out of the shoe, resulting in a near-twisted ankle. Also, I have an extremely high arch, so if the material at the front of the shoe does not extend well enough up the middle of my foot, the front of my foot will pop out of the shoe when I point. Finally, I have long toes, so in open-toed shoes, my toes tend to extend out the front of the shoe, hitting the hard-wood, sometimes resulting in splinters short-term, bone spurs on my big toes in the long term. Yet, if I were to get the shoes in a bigger size, the heels would be way too big, resulting in the twisted ankle problem.

The only pair of shoes that have ever worked at all for me are the Capezios, in the picture on the bottom right with the tango toe in twisted copper and navy blue. But Capezio is no longer making that style in a soft-soled Latin ballroom shoe — it now comes only in hard soled cabaret-style shoes. Still, they weren’t perfect — the tango toe was a bit hard to point in and the material at the toe was so hard that they ripped the cuticles on my big toe, forcing me regularly to pad my big toes with moleskin, even after a year of wearing them, when they were well worn-in. Not the most attractive look, but at least the heel held my heel and I never nearly twisted my ankle. Interestingly, the Capezio’s — the shoe that worked the best while it was still being made — are, at $90, are the second least expensive pair (Blochs were $85; most expensive were LaDucas at $290).

To the immediate left of the Capezios are a strappy pair of International brand which are way WAY too tight at the ball of my foot, completely cutting off my circulation and forcing me to hobble around after half an hour of wearing them. After a couple of weeks of trying to break them in, I couldn’t feel the front of my foot. I went to a podiatrist, who laughed at the shoes when I pulled them out of my ABT dance bag. Shaking his head, he told me it was no wonder I was losing sensation in the foot. I told him all Latin shoes were this way. He told me no serious worries, loss of sensation in the foot did not amount to loss of motor function. So, basically, just because I couldn’t feel my feet didn’t mean I wouldn’t be able to walk.

Next, atop the Internationals, are a brand called Gamba or something like that (I honestly can’t remember all the brands I’ve tried). Basic problem with those is that they don’t hold my foot in them — kind of defeating the purpose of having a shoe in the first place: the straps are too far apart at the toe, so my toes come straight out of the edges of the shoe; if I have the ankle strap buckled tightly enough so that my foot doesn’t come out the front, it cuts off my circulation and sometimes literally creates a bloody mess. Exact same problem with the Freeds, to the right of the Gamba’s.

Proceeding to the top circle, from left to right. On top left are black tango shoes. These, and the LaDuca’s next to them have the best heels — only 2 inches tall and wide, allowing me to keep my balance. However, the tango shoes, though fitting at the heel, are too narrow at the toe (I have 1/2 hour tops of wearing them before I’m in such pain I can’t walk, let alone dance). The LaDucas work okay, but if I’m ever going to compete, closed toed shoes in Latin are an absolute no no. In any event, LaDucas all come in medium width, making them too wide at the heel for me. I had to take them back to the store three times to have more holes created in the strap so I could buckle them tighter and tighter, but now, because of that slightly off center t-strap, they’re pulling too much at the toe, creating serious toe pain. However, LaDuca guy told me I need the t-strap shoe, because, in the shoe sans t-strap, my foot will pop out the front when I point.

Next to LaDucas are the Blochs. Bloch just started making ballroom shoes, and I was told by the clerk these were the ones the ABT ballerinas wore in “Fancy Free.” However, upon seeing the ballet recently during ABT’s City Center season, and sitting practically onstage, I can assure her that only Angela Snow, who danced the very small part at the end of the ballet, was wearing these — and she looked very wobbly in them. Indeed, the heel is so narrow, it’s nearly impossible to stand on let alone dance on. Also, long toes come out the front of the strappy straps. Also, these, when buckled as tightly as I need to buckle them to keep my ankle secure, rip into the vein running underneath my ankle.

To the right of the Blochs are the second pair of Freeds. These are fine except the front of my foot, from ball to toe pops out of the front of the shoe when I point because of my high arch. So, after pointing, I somehow have to nonchalantly stomp on the front of the shoe to get my foot securely back in — which I don’t think will look too keen during competition or performance. Also, Freed does not design their buckles well. In neither Freed shoe style can I buckle the strap when it’s tightened tight enough to keep my heel in place. So, I can only get the metal thingy in the middle of the buckle into the hole, without being able to get the strap then back through the buckle. Looks stupid, and, needless to say, is not very secure.

To their right are the fancy pair of Internationals. These are so high (3 1/2 inches) that I really can’t balance. Plus, I’m taller than all of my male partners in them. Plus, the toe is not flexible enough and doesn’t allow me to point properly. Plus, the toe is sooooo open, my foot comes forward and out the front leaving my heel insecure risking the twisted ankle.

Finally, all the way at the top right are these Mootsies Tootsies brand (can’t remember the exact name but it’s something like that). Everyone makes fun of me when I wear them because they’re not a serious competitor brand (as the name implies), but a social dance brand. I didn’t care when I bought them; I was just desperate for a shoe that fit, and they seemed to in the store. But, as I learned, when dancing my rhumba routine with Pasha, the soles are so soft that they buckle under my foot. At one point, while trying to do a sexy rhumba walk around him, the toes of my right foot pointed (in arabesque position — so foot was behind me), and, as I brushed my foot forward through the floor, toes went completely through the straps, leaving the shoe under my foot, the ankle strap ripping through my skin while my foot went forward without the shoe. I literally tripped and fell.

“Tonya, you must get used to one pair of shoes,” Pasha always used to tell me. Having some kind of a shoe malfunction was nothing new with me, so he almost laughed with the Mootsies Tootsies mishap. Okay fine, but which pair? If I force myself to ‘get used’ to the wrong pair I could end up with a twisted ankle, severe bunions, or complete loss of foot sensation.

Oh, why can’t I just wear these! I know, not exactly attractive paired with a sexy Latin costume… I often wear the soft jazz shoes (on right), or teacher ballet shoes, which have a slight heel and suede bottoms allowing them to glide over hardwood floors (on left), but then when I go to practice the routine in the proper shoes (ie: evil Latin stilettos), I’m two to three inches taller and the partnership is all off. When I practiced my snake with Luis (where he dips me sideways, then I slither down and go through his legs, ending up behind him), we did it a bizillion times perfectly in my soft jazz shoes. When I started wearing the high Latin heels, I was suddenly banging my head into his crotch on the way through…

Well, one fun thing about these street Samba classes I’ve been taking recently at Ailey, is that, I just wear these:

No super skinny heel that I can’t balance on, no toe straps to fall through, no ankle straps to slice my skin, and, most of all, really inexpensive!

Two Days and Most Definitely Counting…

Performance is in just two days, and am hysterically nervous. I went out to my costume-maker, Valentina’s, on Thursday to pick up my outfit for my routine with Luis. Here’s a pic. Very fringey, long pants, skimpy halter top = very not me, but should be fun even so! And it does fit our choreography. I brought it to the studio last night for my final before-show lesson with Luis, and danced in it, and with the fringe wiggling back and forth every time I move — especially on swivels and turns — it does look very fun. So maybe, just maybe, Luis knows what he’s talking about 🙂

Tonight is the rehearsal at the studio, and Monday we have a dress rehearsal mid-day at the theater, and then that’s it — show is at 8. I keep obsessing over the videos I’ve taken of myself with Luis and Pasha and, although it’s good for me to focus on the weak spots, I think they’re making me too hysterical and I need to stop. Luis yelled at me to get over myself on Wednesday night! As if! I had just asked him for the umpteenth time why I couldn’t dance!

I do think dance is making me less insane in other aspects of my life though. Yesterday morning I had an oral argument in court, and, normally I totally over-prepare, to the point that I make myself so nervous about all the myriad things the judges could possibly (but likely won’t) ask me and get myself so worked up that I’m a complete wreck by the time I get up to the podium. Not that loads of preparation is bad of course, but in law I’ve discovered that you need a clear head more than anything. And if reading a bizillion cases that are kinda sorta but not completely on point right before the big day is going to make your head spin out of control, then you’re not going to do as well fielding the judges’ questions and just keeping focused on the strong points of your case. Freaking out in the heat of battle is absolutely destructive in law. But, because I had so much going on this week in preparation for the showcase — ie: going out to Valetina’s umpteenth times for more and more and more fittings and adjustments, taking lesson after lesson after lesson with Luis, then taking lesson after lesson after lesson with Pasha, reviewing videos, going over choreographic notes, etc. etc. etc. — I really couldn’t allow myself to stress about the case. I just prepared my argument, made sure there were no new cases on point since I’d filed my brief, re-read my opponent’s brief and re-read the cases each of us cited, and voila. And I really think I did much better at the podium this time. I didn’t have a nervous breakdown when a judge asked me a question, I answered as best I could, stayed focused on my argument, and I didn’t even hear my voice squeak or shake. I actually sounded confident. And I think the judges actually liked my argument; they gave my adversary a much harder time than me anyway 🙂 If I could just work up that amount of confidence for dance… I do believe it makes all the difference — in everything in life really.

Anyway, it’s getting cold here, so I am off to find some warm fuzzy slippers and long terry-cloth robe to keep me warm Monday backstage so my muscles don’t get cold and fail on me 🙂

A Little Too Much Fun With the Digital….

Discovered the self-timer on my digital camera this afternoon. Spent the rest of the day taking pictures of myself in the dress I am wearing for my Rhumba routine with Pasha. Here is the result: seven in total! Had just a little too much fun … Seriously though, I did learn something about dance through this form of self-portraiture. I’d set the self-timer (10 seconds), move away, then just start spinning hoping the camera got me at a good angle. Too many bad shots, needless to say — weird expression on my face, shoulders hunched, stomach out / no solid center, not spotting the camera and looking somewhere nonsensical (not to mention, getting dizzy and nearly stumbling), ugly ugly ugly lines with my arms and hands… And I realized that this is how I dance when I’m not paying attention to dancing, when I’m paying attention to something else — like learning how to take pictures of myself, like freaking out by the thought of being before an audience, like concentrating too hard on the steps (when I know I already know them) and not on the more important things like spotting and posture, smiling or having some kind of concentrated gaze / thought behind my eyes, staying connected to the ground and not the air. So, the last few pics are better than first few. Perhaps all beginning dancers should try digital self-portraits…

Nipple Covers, Sore Crotches, Gay Men, Breasts, and Self-Analysis…

Ah, such is the world of ballroom dancing!… Seriously, just when I was going to bitch to high hell about gay men not having any clue as to female needs for modesty, my wonderful teacher, Luis, has redeemed himself and agreed to let me wear for the showcase a cute but covering halter top! Initially he wanted me to wear a bikini top. I told him no way, with all the lifts, dips, fish dives, back bends, rag dolls, upside-down-shakes — there is no way; my boobs will definitely fly out! Definitely. When I explained this to him, he looked at me as if I was speaking another language. I think that because breasts are completely meaningless to gay men, breasts shooting out of skimpy costume tops mid-performance are likewise wholly uneventful… When I stared him down, he finally got it, and said, “Well, if it’s that big of a deal, you can get nipple covers, you know.” No, I didn’t. What are nipple covers, pray tell — does anyone know?? I am so not a real dancer!! Anyway, I showed him various pictures of alternatives to skimpy tops, and he brightened considerably when I showed him one of me in my former West Coast Swing team outfit, the top part of which was a halter. Yay, agreement! No, seriously, I jest: Luis is great! He okayed my new LaDuca shoes as well (pronounced them ‘cute’ even!), which is really cool because, though they’re not standard Latin dance shoes, they are closed-toed, and since I have such high arches, it’s very difficult for me to wear open-toed shoes because my feet tend to slide out of them whenever I point. So, anyway, today I trekked out to my (well, shouldn’t say ‘my’ since virtually everyone in the Latin world uses her) Russian seamstress, Valentina, all the way out near Brighton Beach so she could update my measurements and sketch what I wanted. She did my last competition costume for me, and nothing fell out, so I trust her. Think I’ll still try to get a hold of some of those nipple things though, as well as some serious double-stick tape. You can never be too careful in the oh so costume-malfunction-prone world of Latin Ballroom dance…

Last night, Luis and I went straight through our routine twice, no stops! It was the most intense workout I think I’ve ever had. I told him so and he laughed, “What do you mean, I’m the one doing all the lifts!” Which is true. I try to help, I really do, I swear!!! And his crotch must be extremely sore today — we do this one trick called a “snake,” where I go into a dip, then slide between his legs, feet first, then body, then head, ending up behind him facing sideways, and, I don’t know what it was, perhaps because I was wearing heels for the first time dancing the routine, but I kept whacking my head straight into his groin while trying to get it under. I’ve never done that before! Maybe it was subconscious anger over the skimpy top?! Ha ha ha 🙂 Anyway, poor Luis…

Last night, my friend took me out to dinner for watching her kitty while she was away visiting her boyfriend in Scotland — only to tell me she’s marrying the bf and moving to Glasgow! Which I was of course very happy for her for, though I am going to really miss her 🙁 But, hey man, why can’t I marry a Scottish boyfriend and move to Glasgow???????

But something in our dinner conversation ended up starting me on this self-analysis trip. She’s a freelance writer and editor (which is one reason why it’ll be relatively easy for her to relocate out of the country — lucky lucky lucky her!!), and in telling her I was thinking about trying to get into the same line of work, she suggested I begin regularly scavenging the paper recycling dumpster in my apartment building for magazines so I can think up stories. Which I did for the first time upon returning home last night. Found a lovely W magazine and Bergdorf Goodman catalog (the latter of which is almost like a Vanity Fair, interestingly, with all its articles on personalities, etc.). Ended up searching more for fashion ideas for my costume to present to Valentina today than story ideas… But at one point, I noticed something on the backs of both mags was ripped off. On further inspection, I realized it was the recipient’s name and address. Of course I immediately got all paranoid thinking on no, I always leave my name and address on my New Yorkers, Time Outs, Brown Alumni Mags, and ABA Law Journals before tossing them into the bin. What if … And then I thought, what? What if what? It’s interesting that someone did not want people to know that they subscribed to W and Bergdorf. I guess I don’t care what people are going to think of me based on my subscriptions… So I read TONY (doesn’t everyone?) and the New Yorker (don’t a lot of people?), went to Brown (everyone went to school somewhere…), and am a lawyer (it’s not like I’m the only one in this city…). And then I realized I’ve always been weirdly oblivious to what other people think of me. Maybe it’s because my reunion’s coming up, but then I began remembering how when I first started at my high school, I didn’t know anyone since I’d just been transferred from another due to redistricting, and I’d found this great little bench that was perfectly situated in the middle of the three buildings that comprised our campus, and right next to the lockers. My mom would pack me lunch, and I’d sit there on the bench with my little sack and eat while watching everyone. I’m weird — and this is probably why I ended up in New York — but I was just fascinated with watching how people interacted with each other, or didn’t, who rushed frantically from class to class or stopped at their lockers between periods, who sauntered coolly either putting on a false air of bravado or who honestly didn’t care if they were late, how different people dressed and what their clothes said about them, who was picked on, who was ridiculed — either to his or her face or behind his or her back, how the ridiculee dealt with it, who looked nervous, who else was a loner, etc. etc. etc. I loved watching people basically. One day, a teacher rushed up to me, and, tugging on my sweater, cried out, “honey, honey, why in the world are you just sitting here? I always see you sitting here all — ALONE!” And when I looked up at her, confused, she actually had tears in her eyes. She was truly worried about me. It never occured to me that I wasn’t invisible, or maybe not invisible, but just that people didn’t really think about what I was doing enough to be bothered by it or question it. Not long after that, I was reunited with a friend, Kelly, whom I’d known years earlier from elementary school. She was completely different now. She was now a normal 13-year-old girl obsessed with popularity and fitting in. She explained to me what popularity was (because I honestly hadn’t known), whom I should want to be friends with and kiss up to (even though I found their personalities repugnant), and what items of clothing and by what designers I absolutely must have (even if those clothes didn’t particularly appeal to me). High school ended up being the worst four years of my life. And I honestly wonder what my experience would have been like had I not sought out a friendship with Kelly, after that teacher freaked out over my supposed loneliness.

Anyway, I’m blabbering…

A couple of internet thingys I wanted to point out: first, this way cool blog — this woman is a total riot and I cannot stop laughing at the hilarious way she expresses herself, but her rants are also very thought-provoking and her blogroll educational. I serendipitously found her blog, oddly, after my orthopedist mentioned something about Maxalt, my headache med, being taken off the market for health reasons (after searching every nook and cranny of the internet, I’m now sure he meant Methanone). But she’d once blogged on the drug, so it popped into my search. And, after reading her recent entry on names and thus being prompted to think about the inherent racism of John Stossel’s recent 20/20 segment arguing that parents should be careful not to give their children odd (read: Black) names, lest they have a harder time in society, and then performing more internet searches, I eventually came upon this very interesting test, conducted by Harvard University. Take it! Take it! Everyone take it! It’s really interesting and makes you aware of how you think!

Cadbury-Induced Tummy Pudge

After my two lessons this week I now realize how horrendously out of practice I am. Two weeks away from the studio for a beginning dancer is a serious recipe for failure. Before doing any lifts, I warned Pasha that all the Cadbury bars and black pudding I’d consumed in Blackpool had put serious pounds on me and when he frowned I pointed to my stomach, which has now developed a round little mass of pudge. Pasha is Russian (obviously) and thus given to brutal honesty, and he basically responded, oh that, that’s always been there… yes, everything is the same. Argh! I knew I didn’t have a completely flat stomach, but didn’t know it was that obvious… am beginning to think your dance partner knows your body better than anyone, including boyfriend… I also told Pasha about my toe, he asked if it was serious, I said no, just another stupid injury requiring yet more ice and Advil, and he shrugged his shoulders and said, we all live in pain; if it’s not falling off or cancer, you ignore it. Okay, am slowly learning the dancer way of life…

I’m really nervous about the upcoming performance though, because I seem to have forgotten: where my center is, how to spot, how to move my hips properly (without disconnecting them from my upper back and jutting them out too much) , can’t do a simple spin without wobbling all over myself . . . everything. And, I need to cancel my lesson next Wednesday with the immensely popular and hence impossible to re-book Pasha because I must go to ABT. Vladimir Malakhov is performing for practically the only time this season, and as I think he’s one of the two greatest male dancers in the world right now (the other being Jose Carreno, who is performing a splendid many times with ABT!), I must not miss it. I’ll just have to kill myself with ballet classes until October because, though it’s not Latin, ballet is ESSENTIAL to training in any kind of dance.

Can it Be — Evil Latin Stilettos May Not Be All Bad?

I had an oral argument in court on Friday morning and was running late, so I just pulled out from my closet the top-most box of shoes that resembled pumps. (I keep all of my shoes in boxes on my closet floor — a trick taught to me by my first real, born ‘n bred New Yorker friend as the best way to maximize closet space). Anyway, I haven’t been to court in a while and these turned out not to be my usual chunk-heeled Kenneth Coles, but a pair of three-inch stick-heeled Banana Republic pumps I bought in SoHo last year only because they were on extreme sale and I needed brown. Afraid as I was of embarrasing myself by wobbling, if not actually falling, in the courtroom on my way to the podium, I didn’t have time to dig more sensible shoes out from the pyramid, so I popped them on and fled. Amazingly, running to the subway I felt my posture actually improving — slight turn-out of hips elongating leg (in Latin turn-out is 45 not 8000 degrees!), shoulders down and back, abdominals tucked in and up — I didn’t feel the least unsteady. Once ensconsed on the subway seat, I thought about my newfound balance and figured it must be the evil latin shoes. Not only has trying so hard to dance in them apparently made me able to walk in the average stiletto, but a simple reminder of dance seems automatically to improve posture!

Funnily, I think I am begining to have a thing with Jonathan Roberts (previous entry) — while sitting in the courtroom waiting for my case to be called, I noticed that one of the appellate District Attorneys (our adversaries) looks just like him! Grrr…

Speaking of Ballroom, I took the first steps toward packing for Blackpool this weekend by digging my passport out of my “important papers” drawer. Actually, I took more than that; in an effort to avoid being lectured ad nauseam by my mom, who is a Planner (ie: literally packs weeks before a trip and is always nagging me, exactly the opposite and thus always having a nervous breakdown the night before), and took out a suitcase and started tossing in things I knew I’d need. Wrong. I have a ticket to the American Ballet Theater’s opening night gala tomorrow night and am sitting in nosebleed section, so just went to retrieve my opera glasses to put in my handbag. I looked and looked and looked; they were nowhere. I panicked — they were $80, I must have left them at the New York City Ballet on Friday night I thought, should I call the State Theater, no they only have a matinee on Sunday and must be closed and anyway someone probably just kept them… I frantically searched some more before finally realizing they were in my suitcase. Okay, no more “planning” — I’ll be waiting til Wednesday night, thank you very much!

Stand Over Me, Spread Your Legs, and Squat

With directions like this I know I am not in ballet-class anymore…

I have put my frustrations at seeing myself on video aside and am now hard at work on my next showcase, set for October. Am doing another Rhumba with Pasha (similar routine, hopefully A LOT more polished this time). And, I’ve decided to do a Salsa with another teacher, Luis, as well. Actually, since I’ve chosen “Oye” by Gloria Estefan as my music (which, having no sense of rhythm, I didn’t realize was way too fast for salsa — we tried but looked a bit like gerbils), so we’re doing a Latin combo and putting everything into the mix — cha cha, merengue, samba, salsa/mambo (for slower parts), and even paso — which I think is going to be a lot of fun. I think. Luis is all excited — says he’s going to show people a different side of me, that I really can let loose.

Oh.
He’s already having me practice these huge hair flips and crazy body rolls that begin up at the shoulders and quickly inch their way down the torso to end in a kind of Samba-y butt-sticking-way-out squat (apparently he doesn’t think my lack of butt will hinder my ability to perform this). And the trick that’s mentioned in the title above is actually a lot more enticing than it sounds. I stand, back arched over him while he does this sexy Latin lunge. I have to splay my legs, because it they’re daintily together, I’ll never maintain my balance. Thing is — you have to love male dancer / choreographers: — I can barely do this without losing balance in flat jazz shoes; he apparently thinks I’m going to be able to do it as well it in the insane 3-inch Latin stilettos the evil powers that be who originated ladies Latin shoes force us to wear.

Well, I am game… nothing can be worse than last time!!

I Can Never Be a Ballerina Because…

… not because they can do about 3,645 fouettés in a row or chaîné all the way across a football field-sized floor or balance their entire weight on a point about the width of a dime on their big toe. I can never be a real ballet dancer because I can’t sew. Seriously and sadly. Not that I could ever do the other abovementioned things of course, but you’d think sewing would be pretty basic. Not for me. The clerks at Bloch’s honestly laughed at me when they sold me the shoes and sewing kit and elastics and I insisted I’m a lawyer and will never be able to do it myself and please just tell me where I can find a good ballet shoe sewer, assuring me it would be no problem, they had faith, everyone can do it, children can do it for gods’ sakes… I was up all last night with the damn things. The supposedly handy dandy little Bunheads kit did not explain how to thread the needle, make knots, make the closure, and stitch through the tough tough TOUGH leather. It took me hours, and though I did it, I don’t at all trust my work. I’m sure tonight in class my elastics will go shooting and hit some poor student or teacher in the eye or something.

When I called my mom to enlist her help, I could hear her eyes rolling. She’s long given up telling me that my lack of traditional female skills are at least partly responsible for you know what. Nope, I have none and never have. For the past six months Con Ed has been sending me warning notices that my meter may not be properly connected since it shows no gas usage whatsoever. And I remember in grad school my boyfriend was always expressing disgust with the sloppy apartments maintained by both me and my best friend and fellow female grad student. Many of my current female friends – most of whom are lawyers or other professionals – are just as hideously lacking. Yet, the single men I know, not so much. Not at all really. Do we just not have the time for such trifles, or are subconsciously acting out against a stereotype that’s really pretty much defunct now anyway.

And, now that I think of it, at one ballet studio I go to, most of whose patrons I think I can assume are professional women, I regularly see shoes with only one side of the elastic sewn, the other dangling, causing the foot to lift out of the shoe and the student obviously to lose balance, or one side of the elastic sewn horrendously crookedly, one end attached mid-foot, the other at, like, the heel, etc. You definitely don’t see such things at, for example, Broadway Dance Center. And, one of the reasons I like the first studio is that the students are like me – i.e.: not professional dancers, unlike those who, for example, take Ballet for Absolute Beginners at Steps, either for practice, or to freak out people like me. But, as I’ve always been told from the time I first began applying to college, it’s largely your fellow students who will make your education.

Ugh, so I guess if well-sewn shoe equates with real dancer, I will have to overcome my probable subconscious-reaction-against-a-now-defunct-stereotype. There’s a time for learning everything…