Performance is in just two days, and am hysterically nervous. I went out to my costume-maker, Valentina’s, on Thursday to pick up my outfit for my routine with Luis. Here’s a pic. Very fringey, long pants, skimpy halter top = very not me, but should be fun even so! And it does fit our choreography. I brought it to the studio last night for my final before-show lesson with Luis, and danced in it, and with the fringe wiggling back and forth every time I move — especially on swivels and turns — it does look very fun. So maybe, just maybe, Luis knows what he’s talking about
Tonight is the rehearsal at the studio, and Monday we have a dress rehearsal mid-day at the theater, and then that’s it — show is at 8. I keep obsessing over the videos I’ve taken of myself with Luis and Pasha and, although it’s good for me to focus on the weak spots, I think they’re making me too hysterical and I need to stop. Luis yelled at me to get over myself on Wednesday night! As if! I had just asked him for the umpteenth time why I couldn’t dance!
I do think dance is making me less insane in other aspects of my life though. Yesterday morning I had an oral argument in court, and, normally I totally over-prepare, to the point that I make myself so nervous about all the myriad things the judges could possibly (but likely won’t) ask me and get myself so worked up that I’m a complete wreck by the time I get up to the podium. Not that loads of preparation is bad of course, but in law I’ve discovered that you need a clear head more than anything. And if reading a bizillion cases that are kinda sorta but not completely on point right before the big day is going to make your head spin out of control, then you’re not going to do as well fielding the judges’ questions and just keeping focused on the strong points of your case. Freaking out in the heat of battle is absolutely destructive in law. But, because I had so much going on this week in preparation for the showcase — ie: going out to Valetina’s umpteenth times for more and more and more fittings and adjustments, taking lesson after lesson after lesson with Luis, then taking lesson after lesson after lesson with Pasha, reviewing videos, going over choreographic notes, etc. etc. etc. — I really couldn’t allow myself to stress about the case. I just prepared my argument, made sure there were no new cases on point since I’d filed my brief, re-read my opponent’s brief and re-read the cases each of us cited, and voila. And I really think I did much better at the podium this time. I didn’t have a nervous breakdown when a judge asked me a question, I answered as best I could, stayed focused on my argument, and I didn’t even hear my voice squeak or shake. I actually sounded confident. And I think the judges actually liked my argument; they gave my adversary a much harder time than me anyway If I could just work up that amount of confidence for dance… I do believe it makes all the difference — in everything in life really.
Anyway, it’s getting cold here, so I am off to find some warm fuzzy slippers and long terry-cloth robe to keep me warm Monday backstage so my muscles don’t get cold and fail on me